The Many Challenges of Being a Stage Entertainer

Posted on Nov 24, 2011 in advice, Educational Humor, Featured, Observational | 0 comments

In my next few blog posts, I will be dealing with the many challenges of pursuing a career in the live entertainment business. During my twenty-five years as a stage performer (clown, comedy magician, comedy sketch writer, comedy balloon twister, physical comedian, sketch comedian, physical and verbal improvisation artist, stand-up comedian, comedy song lyricist, prop comedian, vaudeville style variety comedian, and comedic storyteller), I have faced numerous challenges. From faulty sound systems and bad acoustics to double dipping, slow paying agents to clients who write bad checks or cancel your performance at the last minute (or try to get out of paying all together, I have seen it all (or at least, most of it).

The most annoying challenge (and the one which occurs most often and seems to be getting worse every year) is the rude audience or the inconsiderate audience member. I’m not talking about hecklers. While I have been blessed to encounter very few of them over the years, I have been able to deal with them very quickly and effectively. I am referring to people who, apparently, have never been taught the consideration required to simply sit quietly and allow the entertainer to complete his or her presentation. This problem predates cell phone and even pagers. The main culprit, along with a few rude, entitled people, appears to the DVD player and it’s predecessor, the VCR (video cassette recorder). The convenience of these devices – - – The fact that one can stop and re-start the pre-recorded entertainment at will – - has left some people with the impression that they are now in charge of every performance, even the live ones, which they attend or view. And therefore, they can interrupt a live an actor or presenter whenever they feel like doing so.

Whether you’re a musician, a comic, a singer, a magician, an actor, or a storyteller, I’m sure you can appreciate the fact that any noise or disruption can play havoc with your timing and make your performance much more difficult. From kibitzing women to good old boys carrying on conversations to parents who bring crying babies to shows to people using cell phones there appears to be no end to those who will unwittingly or, even intentionally disrupt your performance.

Once while my son, Brian and I were performing a comedy sketch at an Eagles Lodge, a woman walked up to the microphone and announced, “There’s about twenty-five hot dogs left if anybody wants one.” In the middle of the very next sketch, another woman approached the microphone and declared, “I lost an elephant lapel pin. If you find it, please bring it to me.” You can understand why I now use a lapel mic or and headset. A microphone attached to a the traditional, free-standing mic stand is, apparently, too much temptation for certain audience members.

Recently, while performing his one-man show on Broadway, Billy Crystal had to deal with an audience member talking on a cell phone in the middle of a critical scene. It’s bad enough that we actually have to remind people to turn off their cell phones (I would include “pagers” but I honestly can’t remember the last time I saw one) before we begin a performance. I recently attended a comedy concert where the opening act had to ask several audience members to curtail their conversations so the rest of the audience could hear her presentation.

My plea to audience members is this: Stage entertainers spend literally hundreds of hours writing and rehearsing material which may take only a few minutes to present on stage. Please respect their efforts and the right of the audience to hear them.

8 Tips For Starting Out In Stand-up Comedy – By David Debble

Posted on Nov 17, 2011 in Blog, Educational Humor, Featured, Observational | 0 comments

Below is an Article by Stand-up Comedian David Deeble posted to Comedy Depreciation October 20, 2011 My best advice is, “Take what works for you and leave what doesn’t.

Here are some simple tips for those who wish to try their hand at stand-up comedy.T

1: STOP SNUGGLING UP TO THE AUDIENCE

People love to be told how wonderful they are, but they don’t usually find it funny. To the extent that your attitude toward the audience is a factor, contempt is far better than genuflection. Better still that your material be directed outward, without apology, than inward. Be honest – it’s refreshing, funny and the easiest thing to remember.

2: TAKE CHARGE

The audience wants someone to take charge and they want it to be you. Like the pilot of the plane, it helps to look like you know what you’re doing. You should have an air of authority. Think of George Burns and his cigar or Ron White and his glass of bourbon. I always wear a suit onstage – a nice one. And all things being equal, who do you think the audience will side with – a guy in a sharp suit or the guy in the Corona visor and the tribal armband tattoo? Remember, the audience is looking at you far more intensely they are listening to you when you first come onstage. It’s often said that “A haircut and a shoe shine will only take you so far.” True, but at least they start you off in the right direction!

During the zenith of male peacockery – the 1970′s – Steve Martin was relatively subdued in an all-white three-piece suit. Why? He knew that if he looked wild and crazy and acted wild and crazy that he would be like a lot of other comedians. But if he dressed normally and acted wild and crazy, well, then he would stand out (not to mention allowing him to tap into the regular Joe’s dream wish to become the life of the party).

3: NOTHING SHOULD FAZE YOU

What’s the worst thing that can happen onstage? Far from a rhetorical question, it will serve you well to imagine the worst-case scenario taking place on stage and you, the hero, dealing with it with preternatural calm. (In reality the worst thing that usually can happy onstage is a non-functioning microphone). If it’s a highly unusual situation, you don’t even have to be funny: 9 times out of 10 if you’re calm and can still form complete sentences, well, then you da man!

If you wish, write and rehearse some stock lines for commonplace scenarios such as a broken glass, a chatty table or a heckler. Remember, the audience aches for you to take charge.

You might find it useful to recite a simple mantra before you go onstage. I have a handful of different mantras that I sometimes use before a show and one of them is “Nothing fazes me”, which I repeat over and over (I’m pretty sure that’s what a mantra requires). Other mantras I use are “I’m having fun up here” and “My zipper is up”.

4: YOUR VIBE IS CONTAGIOUS

If you’re calm, the audience will be calm. If you’re irrepressible, the audience will be irrepressible. If you’re worried about what your next joke is, so will the audience. Can you fake your demeanor? Of course you can – you do it all the time. If you’re the meditating type, consider doing some before each performance. If you have any doubt about your ability to memorize your material, spend extra time committing it to memory. Do whatever works for you so that moments before you go onstage you can take a deep breath, inhale and tackle your job without looking over your shoulder.

5: TALK ABOUT WHATEVER YOU WANT

One of the nice things about stand-up comedy is that the world is your oyster. Do you really have so much material that you’re going to limit yourself to relationships and Lindsay Lohan? On the other hand, don’t try to stem the tsunami of material you’ve been writing about egg whites. Sure, maybe you risk being pigeonholed as “The Tool Guy” like Tim Allen, for example, but I’ll wager that it’s the kind of pigeonholing most would benefit from. Think of it as your hook!

6: BE VERSATILE BY WORKING BOTH CLEAN AND DIRTY

None of this is meant to persuade those with moral or religious objections to adult humor, but most people understand that versatility is generally a good thing. I hope this doesn’t shock you, but there are decent people in this world who would like to see a show that’s unsuitable for children. In fact, there’s a burgeoning U.S. city unabashedly dedicated to entertainment for grown-ups called Las Vegas. President Reagan even emceed a floor show there for a while. If you are capable of doing stand-up using language and themes that the vast majority of adults use everyday among their peers, don’t be afraid to do so! If you can work both clean and dirty then its’ no different than Starbucks offering both hot and cold coffee, thereby bringing more value to more people. Ka-ching!

I only ask one thing: if you work clean, please don’t engage in that obnoxious form of moral exhibitionism that requires that you point out and celebrate it with the audience, i.e., “In today’s world where so many people feel you have to tell dirty jokes to be funny, it’s so refreshing….”) It’s like carrying a drunk girl to her bed and bragging the next morning about how you didn’t’ put a move on her.

7: LISTEN TO THE AUDIENCE

I’m self-deprecating on stage. Very self-deprecating. Extremely self-deprecating. I hate myself. All of this is fine, except that I also tend to be overly-sensitive and insecure and when I add self-deprecation to the mix, I sometimes get in trouble. The best advice I ever got in this regard was from a wonderful comedian and my good friend Jeff Wayne. He said “Unless a joke gets no reaction whatsoever, you should just continue on without commentary.”

It’s sometimes tempting to call attention when a joke gets a weaker response than that established by the audience’s “laughter baseline”. The majority of times I do so, however, I end up only alienating the audience. I can hear the audience thinking “We’re having a ball here – why are you micro-analyzing our every response?” If you work quickly onstage, you can often get away with with a joke that falls completely flat by segueing immediately to the next joke.

But if there’s an elephant in the room and you work slowly like me, you’ve got to say something. Be prepared to win them back with a hilarious impromptu line (which you carefully crafted years ago on the back of a cocktail napkin).

Remember, it’s a war, not a battle. So listen to the audience, but don’t be in be in thrall to any one moment on stage.

8: PUT YOUR WORST FOOT FORWARD

Comedians are not generally known for their looks. On the contrary, stand-up comedy is one of the few professions where good looks are considered an occupational hazard. Take me, for example. I am a handsome man, there’s no way around it. I take no credit for it, it’s just the way it is. You don’t think I see the way audiences look at me when I walk onstage? It’s always the same: the women looking at me and beaming, the men looking at their women and frowning. I haven’t even spoken into the microphone yet and I’m already behind the 8-ball with all the guys in the audience and, in a way (and for the same reason) many of the women, too. But I’ve got one great thing going for me: I’m 5’5″ and 117 pounds. In other words, I’m a little man. And I don’t mean in a shorter-than-the-national average kind of way, either: I practically represent the lollipop guild.

My diminutive stature has been a gold mine for comedy. Forget all the material it generates – it mellows what otherwise might be perceived as a threat. I’m no longer just smart, funny, good-looking and successful: I’m smart, funny, good-looking, successful and small enough to do my shopping at Baby Gap. The same phenomenon is at play when I do material about married life. I can’t count the times I’ll see a holdout in the audience – usually a woman – with a look of consternation on her face. Then I begin telling good-natured jokes about married life with kids and I can practically hear a collective sigh of relief.

So remember, talk about those aspects of your life that are unsatisfying: winners are boring.

Requiring Original Comedy Material or Money – - Which is More Important?

Posted on Oct 25, 2011 in Blog, Featured, Observational | 0 comments

Yesterday, I talked about the Shadowbox Cabaret and their policy of requiring the server/entertainers to turn their tips over to the corporation. Not for tip sharing, for the corporation to keep.

Today, I want to pass on some information regarding one of Shadowbox Cabaret’s neighbors (also located at Easton Town Center in Columbus, Ohio), the Funny Bone Comedy Club and their “open mic” policy. On Tuesday nights the Funny Bone presents what they call their bringer show, aptly named because in order to get five minutes on stage, each would be stand-up comedian must “bring” at least five people to the show.

The last time my wife and I visited the Funny Bone, we were seated with a couple we had never met at a table that was almost big enough to accommodate the food and drink of one person (let alone rest your hands on the table). The couple “assigned to us” could not stop singing the praises of their apparently highly talented bartender. As a recovering alcoholic (27 years on 11/16/11), I have to wonder about people who spend enough time in a particular bar to refer to a person as “our bartender.” When the young super-talented comic in question began his performance, I could believe my ears. His entire “set” was borrowed, no, stolen from a recent performance by country comedian Rodney Carrington on comedy Central.

With 25 years experience as an comedic entertainer, I have seen so-called comedians “perform” other comics’ material before. On at least one occasion, I had my own show taped, reproduced, and sold without my permission. I was, however, shocked and horrified that the Funny Bone Comedy Club (part of a national chain of comedy clubs) management would allow someone to commit theft of intellectual property in their club. The club manager had to be aware of the material the so-called “original entertainer” was going to use because they always hold a workshop (just check their web site to verify) prior to the show where each person does the material that he or she will perform that evening.

As a seasoned entertainer, I am certainly aware of the need to fill seats of a club or any venue in order to pay the bills and earn a profit. And the Funny Bone Comedy Club has every right to require would-be performers to bring five guests to see their act. What disturbs me is that filling seats and making money seems to be more important than personal integrity. I know we live in a greedy world, but letting someone steal another entertainer’s show is always and will always be wrong.

A Comic Salute to Exercise

Posted on Oct 15, 2011 in Blog, Featured, Observational Humor, self-deprecating | 0 comments

I decided to get back in shape (even though round is actually a shape) – - Because I got a letter from the Post Office – - Apparently, if I gain another 15 pounds – - I get my own zip code – - All comedy aside, being fat may look funny onstage, but, I’m not ready to be known as the “late comedian, Bob Simpson.” If I get to heavy for the stage, I’ll have to get a job writing for some other comic. And who wants to be a “Ghost Comedy Writer?”

So I joined a gym. I didn’t know if I would have the determination to work out consistently, but I figured I would still lose weight. Because I used my grocery money to pay for the gym membership. Besides, I want to remain a stand-up comedian. I’m not crazy about the prospect of being a “sit-down comedian.”

I had forgotten what an intimidating place a gym can be for a person in my kind of shape. It may sound self-deprecating, but, my appearance embodies the very definition of “physical comedy.” Maybe it’s Karma, but, I used to make fun of people who looked like this. During my first visit to the gym, this big, muscular person walked up to me and said, in a deep, husky voice, “Are you finished with that machine?” I said, “Y – Y-Yes – - – m-m-ma’am – - I-I-I- t’s a –l-l y-y-y-yours.” I didn’t want any trouble from her. She looked like she could have bench pressed an S.U.V. Then this big, muscular guy came over to me. The observational humorist in me wanted to ask if he had been using some of those anabolic hemorrhoids. He looked down at me and said, “Hey, you! I can lift 400 pounds over my head and hold it there for two full minutes. What can you do?” I said, “Well, I don’t like to brag. But, I can read. Then I learned about a completely different weight loss program It’s called Hospital food! Through a straw.