Expect the Unexpected
If I have learned anything in my twenty-six years as a comedy entertainer it is “always be ready for change.” As in most businesses, change is the only constant. Clients, venues, travel schedules, road conditions, and audiences (age, size, attitude) are as unpredictable as the weather. The venues and crowds of my last two performances were a reminder of this truism. While both venues were advertised as Retirement Communities, the first turned out to be a nursing home and the second was a trailer park which had residents of all ages, except retirement age.
Upon arriving at the first location, I was directed to the dining room to prepare for my show. While I was setting up my sound system, the staff began bringing in the residents in for the show. As is my custom, I greeted the residents as they arrived. After not receiving a response from the first several people I spoke to, I was told this was a facility for elderly, deaf people. After twenty-six years and over 4,000 performances, this was definitely a first. I’m still not sure why, but I had brought along a few visual effect routines that I employ when I’m booked as a comedy magician. This bought some time until an interpreter was provided to translate the actual “stand-up comedy.” While a few things may have been “lost in translation”, overall audience reaction was very good.
At the second show, the audience turned out to be more children than adults. This doesn’t usually happen to stand-up comedians. Since I always work clean (I don’t filter when writing material, but, so far, I have only performed the clean stuff in public), that part was okay. I had brought along my guitar, so I strummed and sang a few comedy songs I had written. They were very well received. Then I performed the stand-up material I thought the kids would relate to along with some comedy magic routines I knew they would love (especially the “volunteer participation” bits). I also balanced an apple (a balloon apple, that is) on my nose. No one, including the client, seemed to mind seeing a comedy variety act in lieu of straight stand-up. A good time was had by all.
What is the lesson here? The same as the Boy Scout Motto I learned many years ago, “Be prepared.” No matter what you do in life, change is always out watching and waiting to pounce. Always remember that and “when you least expect it – - expect it.”
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Where I’ve been, where I am, and Where I’m going
One of the main purposes of these regular blog posts is to keep the readers apprised of my continuing efforts at writing and performing comedy material. So here goes: I recently purchased a guitar and will soon begin taking lessons. Lately, I have also been writing humorous parodies to popular rock, country, and Christmas (and other seasonal) songs which will become part of the new comedy variety show I will begin performing early next year. The show will consist of four elements: stand-up comedy, comedy magic, prop comedy, and, of course, the new comedic song parodies (making use of my new guitar and lessons).
The most recent turn in my career as an entertainer took place yesterday, when I enrolled in a stand-up comedy workshop which is to be taught at the Improv Comedy Club in Cleveland, Ohio during the first three Saturdays of January, 2012. The instructor will be none other than Dave Schwensen, comedian, motivational speaker, talent Coordinator for the Cleveland Improv (and former talent coordinator of both the New York and Los Angeles Improv Comedy Clubs), and author of several comedy “how-to” books including “How to be a Working Comic.” I am really looking forward to attending the workshop as all participants will be afforded the opportunity to perform onstage at the Improv. In addition, I am looking forward to meeting the other comedy artists (up to nine of them) and hearing their career stories. I will be driving up from my home near Columbus, Ohio. The other comedy performers, I assume, will come from around Ohio and surrounding states.
Once I have completed the comedy workshop, I will be renting small venues (such as the halls in fraternal lodge facilities) in which to perform the aforementioned, four part, comedy variety show throughout central Ohio and surrounding areas. Soon after, I hope to move the show to small theaters, and eventually to larger theaters. I will also, of course, be available to perform the stage show at private, civic, and corporate events. Anyone interested in reserving a performance date for this four part comedy variety show can contact me by telephone at (614) 891-7393 or via email at info@funnymanbobsimpson.com or bobsimpson1954@gmail.com.
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The Many Challenges of Being a Stage Entertainer
In my next few blog posts, I will be dealing with the many challenges of pursuing a career in the live entertainment business. During my twenty-five years as a stage performer (clown, comedy magician, comedy sketch writer, comedy balloon twister, physical comedian, sketch comedian, physical and verbal improvisation artist, stand-up comedian, comedy song lyricist, prop comedian, vaudeville style variety comedian, and comedic storyteller), I have faced numerous challenges. From faulty sound systems and bad acoustics to double dipping, slow paying agents to clients who write bad checks or cancel your performance at the last minute (or try to get out of paying all together, I have seen it all (or at least, most of it).
The most annoying challenge (and the one which occurs most often and seems to be getting worse every year) is the rude audience or the inconsiderate audience member. I’m not talking about hecklers. While I have been blessed to encounter very few of them over the years, I have been able to deal with them very quickly and effectively. I am referring to people who, apparently, have never been taught the consideration required to simply sit quietly and allow the entertainer to complete his or her presentation. This problem predates cell phone and even pagers. The main culprit, along with a few rude, entitled people, appears to the DVD player and it’s predecessor, the VCR (video cassette recorder). The convenience of these devices – - – The fact that one can stop and re-start the pre-recorded entertainment at will – - has left some people with the impression that they are now in charge of every performance, even the live ones, which they attend or view. And therefore, they can interrupt a live an actor or presenter whenever they feel like doing so.
Whether you’re a musician, a comic, a singer, a magician, an actor, or a storyteller, I’m sure you can appreciate the fact that any noise or disruption can play havoc with your timing and make your performance much more difficult. From kibitzing women to good old boys carrying on conversations to parents who bring crying babies to shows to people using cell phones there appears to be no end to those who will unwittingly or, even intentionally disrupt your performance.
Once while my son, Brian and I were performing a comedy sketch at an Eagles Lodge, a woman walked up to the microphone and announced, “There’s about twenty-five hot dogs left if anybody wants one.” In the middle of the very next sketch, another woman approached the microphone and declared, “I lost an elephant lapel pin. If you find it, please bring it to me.” You can understand why I now use a lapel mic or and headset. A microphone attached to a the traditional, free-standing mic stand is, apparently, too much temptation for certain audience members.
Recently, while performing his one-man show on Broadway, Billy Crystal had to deal with an audience member talking on a cell phone in the middle of a critical scene. It’s bad enough that we actually have to remind people to turn off their cell phones (I would include “pagers” but I honestly can’t remember the last time I saw one) before we begin a performance. I recently attended a comedy concert where the opening act had to ask several audience members to curtail their conversations so the rest of the audience could hear her presentation.
My plea to audience members is this: Stage entertainers spend literally hundreds of hours writing and rehearsing material which may take only a few minutes to present on stage. Please respect their efforts and the right of the audience to hear them.
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Free Agency – - The Art of Creating Your Own Performance and Recording Opportunities
Greetings! My talented colleagues in the live entertainment business: during this week’s blog posts, I have offered two alternatives to paying comedy (and music, poetry, etc.) clubs for stage time (and pimping out your friends to pack the house for the club owner/managers) and/or waiting for bookers (for cruise ships, night clubs, lounges, hotels, casinos, etc.) to respond to your promotional packet and, maybe, give you an opportunity to perform and earn some money. So far, I have suggested 1) Performing at retirement centers (for free or for a small fee) in order to get plenty of stage time (to work on your material and timing), and 2) Getting together with other entertainers and offering to perform comedy showcases or variety shows for restaurants, bars, etc. on their slow nights.
Today, I have a third alternative to share with you. I call this option “Free agency.” This option involves working together with your fellow performers (stand-up comedians, jugglers, Illusionists, stage hypnotists, mimes, comedy magicians, ventriloquists, singers, musicians, pantomime artists, etc.) to rent out venues and produce your own live, stage shows. A lot of fraternal/service organizations have halls which are available for rent, often at a reasonable rate. The halls have decent acoustics (they’re often rented by country and rock bands). If the lodge has a bar and the organization is willing to help advertise the show, you will probably get some of the lodge “regulars” to attend the performance. If the lodge has a kitchen and a ladies’ auxiliary (forgive my sexism), you may also be able to offer dinner and a show to your audience and share the proceeds with the lodge.
You and your fellow entertainers will need to be willing to share expenses (hall rental, advertising), setting up (chairs, tables, etc.) and putting away down chores, and the proceeds. As I mentioned in yesterdays blog post, you can also take turns being the opening act, master of ceremonies, middle act, and feature act. You could also rotate set-up and tear down assignments. This way, the same people aren’t always lumbered with the most difficult and most boring grunt work.
Once you and your friends have made some money, you can rent an actual theater and record a live performance. Then you will have a CD or DVD to sell at future performances and on your respective web sites.
I will be implementing this plan in the Columbus, Ohio area along with several performers I have met through meetup.org. Anyone else who would like to join us, please contact me by telephone at 614-891-7393 or send me an email via this web site.
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Pay to Perform – - Bringer Shows – - What’s the Next Change on the Club Scene?
I belong to several Linkedin groups (Comedy Depreciation Society, Stand-up Comedy group, LinkedEnEntertainers, Night Club/concert Entertainers, Crusie Ship Entertainment, Entertainment Recruiters, etc.) which are specific to comedians/entertainers. I also host a page called Entertainers at Large on Meetup.org. I find these groups helpful in keeping my ear to the ground and staying up to speed with the latest information and topics of interest with the comedy and overall entertainment communities.
The most recent buzz seems to be the fact that clubs (whether music, poetry, comedy, or whatever) are charging “budding artists” (anyone who isn’t famous) for stage time. Five dollars for five minutes onstage is what I’m seeing, hearing a lot. If 12 people each pay $5 for five minutes of stage time, the club makes $60.00 for an hour, plus whatever they make on food and drinks. That’s all well and good, but some clubs have taken things a step further. They are now requiring performers to “bring guests” (usually 4 to 6) as an additional condition to get stage time. For example, my local(Columbus, Ohio) ”Funny Bone” expects you to pay a $5 cover charge and bring five friends who also pay a $5 cover charge plus order drinks and food (if you want to call it food). That usually amounts to about $100 for each comic who gets five minutes of stage time ($20 per minute or $1,200 per hour per open mic performer). And that’s if you actually get a full five minutes. If a lot of comics (say, twenty) show up, pay the $5 cover, and bring their five friends, the club makes a lot more money than usual. But, each performer only gets three minutes of stage time.
I usually tell my friends when and where I am performing, but I don’t expect them to come to every performance (they have jobs, families, and lives). I resent being expected to use my friends in order to help “pack the house” just to save some club owner the cost of advertising. And, if you think about it, there are alternatives. As an example, retirement communities everywhere are always looking for people to come and entertain their residents. You may have to contact them unless you are well known in your area, or you advertise), but they offer some advantages which make them an attractive alternative to the clubs. 1) You can negotiate a date and time that meets your schedule. 2) You get more time to perform – - usually at least 30 minutes. 3) You don’t have to pay to perform or pimp out your friends to fill the seats. 4) They might even pay you $50 or $75. That’s not a fortune, but, it’s better than paying a dollar per minute to a club and having to bring five or six friends just to get five minutes onstage. Most semi-urban area have at least 100 retirement communities within a 50 mile radius. Theoretically, you could perform at two communities per week for and year and then go back to the top of your list and start over. That’s 52 hours of stage time. At five minutes a pop, you would need to do 624 “open mics” per year to get the same amount of stage time. And how many friends would you have left by the end of the year?
Tomorrow, I will share another alternative.
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