Expect the Unexpected
If I have learned anything in my twenty-six years as a comedy entertainer it is “always be ready for change.” As in most businesses, change is the only constant. Clients, venues, travel schedules, road conditions, and audiences (age, size, attitude) are as unpredictable as the weather. The venues and crowds of my last two performances were a reminder of this truism. While both venues were advertised as Retirement Communities, the first turned out to be a nursing home and the second was a trailer park which had residents of all ages, except retirement age.
Upon arriving at the first location, I was directed to the dining room to prepare for my show. While I was setting up my sound system, the staff began bringing in the residents in for the show. As is my custom, I greeted the residents as they arrived. After not receiving a response from the first several people I spoke to, I was told this was a facility for elderly, deaf people. After twenty-six years and over 4,000 performances, this was definitely a first. I’m still not sure why, but I had brought along a few visual effect routines that I employ when I’m booked as a comedy magician. This bought some time until an interpreter was provided to translate the actual “stand-up comedy.” While a few things may have been “lost in translation”, overall audience reaction was very good.
At the second show, the audience turned out to be more children than adults. This doesn’t usually happen to stand-up comedians. Since I always work clean (I don’t filter when writing material, but, so far, I have only performed the clean stuff in public), that part was okay. I had brought along my guitar, so I strummed and sang a few comedy songs I had written. They were very well received. Then I performed the stand-up material I thought the kids would relate to along with some comedy magic routines I knew they would love (especially the “volunteer participation” bits). I also balanced an apple (a balloon apple, that is) on my nose. No one, including the client, seemed to mind seeing a comedy variety act in lieu of straight stand-up. A good time was had by all.
What is the lesson here? The same as the Boy Scout Motto I learned many years ago, “Be prepared.” No matter what you do in life, change is always out watching and waiting to pounce. Always remember that and “when you least expect it – - expect it.”
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Announcing: “Changes to Web Site”
Greetings fellow entertainers, event planners, talent bookers, and everyone else who reads this blog (both of you). I apologize for not writing as many posts in recent weeks as I had up to then. As I’m sure you all know, life and work get really busy sometimes. I’m glad to be back and thrilled to share with you all (or y’all as the case may be) regarding some truly exciting changes to my web site which will be implemented very soon.
We will be adding several new pages (I have written the content and someone else will turn it into “computerese”) in an effort to provide a separate page for each comedic element I perform. While the “Stand-up Comedy” Page will receive a slight tweaking, the new pages will include: ”Visual Comedy” (a mixture of Comedy Magic, Prop Comedy, and Physical Comedy routines such as “Bigger-Bigger”, “Some Assembly Required” and “The Balancing Act”), “Comedy Songs” (originals and old tunes will new, comedic lyrics), and “The Comedy of Language” will includes comedic definitions, hilarious poems, and (al a the late Victor borge, phonetic pronunciation, and inflationary language).
We will also be adding a new demo of a performance I gave as part of a showcase at the Improv Comedy Club in Cleveland, Ohio (Go, Browns!)
I hope you find these changes helpful when viewing my web site. As a seasoned performer who has worn many hats over the years, I thought I should showcase the entertainment elements I offer in more user friendly manner.
Read MoreA Fourth Alternative to Comedy Club “Pay to Play” and “Bringer” Shows
Greetings, my fellow stand-up comedians, improvisation performers, comedy magicians and other persons of infinite jest. Wow! Where in the world have I been? My last post was eight days ago. The past week has been (Never say, “has been” to someone my age) an insanely busy one. More about that later. I do remember that our recent theme has been looking for alternatives to comedy club owners and managers who employ “pay to play” (i. e. five bucks to get on stage) and “bringer shows” (bring at least five friends for three to five minutes of stage time). The options I have offered so far include: (1) Performing at retirement centers and senior centers where you can get thirty to sixty minutes of stage time per gig (and, possibly, getting paid rather than paying to perform), Renting your own venues and putting on your own shows, and using atmosphere performing (also known as “table hopping” or “strolling entertainment”) as a means of getting paid to showcase your ability and availability to perform on stage.
Today, Let’s focus on the comedy clubs who do not charge a fee for stage time or expect you to pimp out five or six of your friends (So the club owner or manager doesn’t have to pay for advertising) in order to get a few minutes of stage time. In a recent email from Dave Schwensen, Author of several very helpful books including “How To Be A Working Comic” (I have a signed copy – More on that later), I learned of a very benevolent individual, named Slava Yaryshkin (I think he might be Irish – lol), who is trying to help us all get more stage time. Slava is endeavoring to list all open mics, both music and comedy, in the United States, on his web site at www.badslava.com. This free tool is a definite “must use” for any comedian, singer, or band seeking an audience to perform for. I have already found eleven “open mic” opportunities (and spoken to six people to confirm days and times), in Columbus, Ohio, that was not aware of. Thank you, Slava, for your willingness to share the results of your hard work. And, thank you, Dave for passing on this wonderful resource. Please note, this effort of Slava’s is a work in progress. You should check the site, www.badslava.com, at least weekly for updates in your area. By my count, we now have least four alternatives (and numerous options within each alternative)
to the “pay to play” and “bringer show” comedy clubs. So, if you’re not out there performing your comedy routines on a regular basis, whose fault is it?
Now, for the reason (One of them, anyway) I have been too busy to write a blog post since last Wednesday. I spent last Saturday attending a Stand-up Comedy Workshop (always keep learning) at the Improv Comedy Club in Cleveland, Ohio (A 140 mile drive from Columbus, but, well worth the trip). The instructor, Dave Schwensen, an author, comedian, speaker, and a long-time comedy club manager (Dave is the only person who has managed the Los Angeles Improv, the New York Improv, and now, the Cleveland Improv) is able to approach the business both the comic’s and the comedy booker’s points of view. For someone who has worked with many of the comedy greats of our generation (Jerry Seinfeld, Jay Leno, Ray Ramano, etc), Dave is very down to earth and approachable (He even signed my copy of “How To Be A Working Comic”).
Dave limits size of the twelve hour (Noon to 4:00 p.m. for three Saturdays) workshop to ten people, in order to provide the perfect mix of individual and collective instruction. My classmates include a magistrate, a truck driver, a college student, a former college activities director, a snow removal specialist, and a former stripper turned born-again Christian (The Lord really does work in mysterious ways).
Last Saturday, we were each paired with another group member for some onstage improvisation a la “Whose Line is it Anyway?” It was a lot of fun and a fantastic way for the beginners (not the grizzly, old dudes, such as yours truly) to ease into their first time on stage. Then we each had about ten minutes on stage to try out some of our original comedy material in front of Dave and the group. I don’t know why, but, I’m always more nervous with a small group than with a large crowd. But, once I got past the first couples of jokes, it was like shaking hands with an old friend. There is nothing, in the world, like making people laugh. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
The next two Saturdays will consist of more time, on stage, trying out material before a captive audience of Dave and the other comedians. Then, the Wednesday after the last Saturday (January 25th at 7:30 p.pm.), we’ll be performing our routines in front of a live audience (I wanted a “dead audience” but we weren’t able to dig one up) at the Cleveland Improv. If you’re in the area, I hope you’ll come out and see us. While I have given numerous performances at private, corporate, and civic events, I’m a bit new to the comedy club scene. I’m really looking forward it. But, for now, our homework is to write new stand-up comedy material and, then, to write, write, and write some more. Hence, the reason it has been eight days since my last post.
Read MoreA Funny Thing Happened On the Way To The Retirement Center
Early on, I warned the readers, both of you, that my taste in comedy can range from the sacred to the bizarre. This post runs a lot closer to the bizarre. Like a lot humor, it is an observation of a bizarre, yet true, experience. Someone once said, “truth is stranger than fiction.” Sometimes it’s funnier,too. I hope you enjoy it.
Dear Hotel Manager,
I am writing to make a request of you. I desire to negotiate, with you, for the same deal my father-in-law has imposed upon his three dutiful, if exhausted, daughters and their beleaguered husbands. I should like to avail myself of your hospitality in the following ways:
Beginning now, and for the foreseeable future, I would like to stay in your hotel, and two other of your company’s hotels, for periods of four months each on a rotating basis. During my stay at each of these fine hotels, I will require the following accommodations:
Your very best room furnished with a queen-sized bed, a large screen television, a desk, and a computer with uninterrupted internet service.
Three meals per day to be brought to me where ever I happen to be at the moment (which, of course, I will not tell you), whenever I request. Serving me any food that I do not enjoy will be met with verbal abuse including insults and profanity for which there will be no apology. I will also require unlimited snacks of my choice whenever I ask for them.
Every day, a member of your staff is to remove all of the dirty clothes from my room, wash, dry, and fold them and return them to my room. My clothes are to be wash in small, separate loads so they do not touch anyone else’s clothes, and in order to waste as much water and electricity as possible.
One of your employees is to be prepared, at a moments’ notice, to drive me, where ever I want to go, I will only ride in a car. I will not ride in a “shuttle bus” with any other guests. I will tell the driver how fast to drive, where to turn and, in general, how to operate the vehicle. Disagreement with me, on any level, will not be tolerated. I will rant and rave until I get my own way.
As an additional indulgence, I would like to be able to roam the entire hotel property at will. This is to include the lobby, the area behind the reception counter, the kitchen, the dining room, the offices, the janitorial and maintenance areas, the grounds including any outbuildings, and the other guests’ rooms (This way I can talk incessantly while guests are trying to make telephone calls, read watch television, converse, make love, or sleep) everywhere.
During my waking hours, I will watch and listen in while you and your employees perform your duties and interact with your guests and each other. At every possible opportunity, I will criticize you and your employees for not performing your duties (the way you greet your guests, operate the computer, make beds, sweep, mop, and vacuum floors, prepare meals, maintain the grounds, etc.) the right way – - MY WAY!.
I will also ask highly personal questions of you, your guests, and each member of your staff. I will then instruct each of you regarding what you are doing wrong in your personal lives (including your career, finances, family, dating, marital, and sex lives) and what each of you must do to put your lives right. Disagreeing with me will lead to an onslaught of abusive language until you all agree to conduct yourselves in the proper fashion – - i.e. my way.
Please dispatch a limo driver and two other employees to my residence at once. The driver is to carry me to the limo and gently place in the spacious back seat. The other two employees are to pack up all of my belongings and bring them to the hotel. As per my instructions, my belongings are to be situated throughout the hotel property so as to be in the way of everyone else who is staying or working at hotel.
For all of these many courtesies I will offer no payment. In fact, I do not expect to receive a bill for any of the above services or indulgences. Nor will I demonstrate even the slightest trace of gratitude.
Respectfully,
Bob Simpson
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Where I’ve been, where I am, and Where I’m going
One of the main purposes of these regular blog posts is to keep the readers apprised of my continuing efforts at writing and performing comedy material. So here goes: I recently purchased a guitar and will soon begin taking lessons. Lately, I have also been writing humorous parodies to popular rock, country, and Christmas (and other seasonal) songs which will become part of the new comedy variety show I will begin performing early next year. The show will consist of four elements: stand-up comedy, comedy magic, prop comedy, and, of course, the new comedic song parodies (making use of my new guitar and lessons).
The most recent turn in my career as an entertainer took place yesterday, when I enrolled in a stand-up comedy workshop which is to be taught at the Improv Comedy Club in Cleveland, Ohio during the first three Saturdays of January, 2012. The instructor will be none other than Dave Schwensen, comedian, motivational speaker, talent Coordinator for the Cleveland Improv (and former talent coordinator of both the New York and Los Angeles Improv Comedy Clubs), and author of several comedy “how-to” books including “How to be a Working Comic.” I am really looking forward to attending the workshop as all participants will be afforded the opportunity to perform onstage at the Improv. In addition, I am looking forward to meeting the other comedy artists (up to nine of them) and hearing their career stories. I will be driving up from my home near Columbus, Ohio. The other comedy performers, I assume, will come from around Ohio and surrounding states.
Once I have completed the comedy workshop, I will be renting small venues (such as the halls in fraternal lodge facilities) in which to perform the aforementioned, four part, comedy variety show throughout central Ohio and surrounding areas. Soon after, I hope to move the show to small theaters, and eventually to larger theaters. I will also, of course, be available to perform the stage show at private, civic, and corporate events. Anyone interested in reserving a performance date for this four part comedy variety show can contact me by telephone at (614) 891-7393 or via email at info@funnymanbobsimpson.com or bobsimpson1954@gmail.com.
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