Comedians and other performers,Boycott Comedy Clubs that employ pay to play and bringer shows.
Once again (this time as a discussion topic on the Humorous Speakers’ Bureau via “Linkedin”, we hear and read the sad refrain about comedy club owners and managers who require budding comics to pay for stage time and bring five to ten friends to the club in order to get a few minutes on stage. Even my local (Columbus, Ohio) “Funny Bone” Comedy Club expects each open mic humorists to pay a $5.00 cover and bring a minimum of five friends who also have to pay a $5.00 cover as well as order drinks ($3.00 for half a can of soda) and food (if you want to call that food). That’s about $100 for 5 minutes of stage time ($20.00 per minute or $1,200.00 per hour)? Do they really think we believe their rent is actually $43,830.00 ($1,200.00 per hour multiplied by 24 hours in a day multiplied by 365.25 days in a year divided by 12) per month? And, even if their rent were really that unbelievable amount, do they seriously expect beginning comedians and their friends to foot the entire bill?
What do I do about the pay to play/bringer policy at my local Funny Bone Comedy Club? I don’t perform at the Columbus Funny Bone Comedy Club. I honestly don’t believe any of my body parts will fall off if I never perform stand-up comedy at the local Funny Bone Comedy Club (So far, so good). I’m sure there are many successful comedians who once never paid to perform their comedy act at a Funny Bone comedy Club or any other pay to pay comedy club or bringer show comedy club. I, personally, would much rather work out my new comedy material at a retirement center where I can get 30-45 minutes and I don’t have to pimp out my friends, and sometimes I can even get paid.
I have one question for all of you who are complaining (and rightfully so) about the unfair policies of these comedy clubs. What are you going to do about it? ”What can we do about it?” I hear you asking. Well, if you’re too young to remember the fifties and sixties (and most of you are), ask your parents or grandparents about the anti-war protests, boycotts, “sit-ins” and the civil rights marches. I’m guessing some of your parents and grandparents even took part in these historic, world changing events. What about the bus boycott (Ever heard of Rosa Parks?) in Montgomery, Alabama in 1957? The owners of the bus company were forced to end their racist “blacks in the back of the bus” policy or face bankruptcy. This was a peaceful demonstration that brought about real, permanent change.
Every year we observe Martin Luther King, Jr.’s Birthday by not going to work. Why don’t we honor his spirit by actually doing something? By standing up to injustice and saying, “Hell no! We won’t take it any more!” Why don’t we all band together? Let’s start by boycotting all of those comedy clubs that have “pay to play” and “bringer show” policies. And let’s tell all of our friends, relatives, and fellow entertainers to boycott them, as well. In the words of Nelson Mandela, “Agitate, old lions!”
Then, save up all of your pay to play money for a month or so, pool your resources and rent a hall at a local fraternal lodge (Elks, Moose, Eagles, American Legion, etc.), or a small, modestly priced, local theater. I know some of you have theater experience from your high school or college days. It’s time you put it to work again. If you’re not too proud to set up chairs and clean up afterward, you could even earn some money instead of paying money to comedy club owners or managers. Charge a small admission fee such as $5.00 and split the profits. Each comedian will get more than five minutes on stage and, quite possibly, make a few dollars on the deal. If the comedy club owners and managers don’t see the error of their way, keep renting out your own entertainment venues and staging your own shows. You’ll probably come to realize you didn’t need those comedy clubs, after all. And those comedy club owners and managers will realize they need you more than you need them. I’m certain Martin Luther King, Jr. and Rosa Parks will be looking down and smiling.
I already boycott comedy clubs who use these policies. Beginning in the new year, I will be renting entertainment venues and staging my own shows. If anyone in Central Ohio (or anywhere else) wants to join me, you can contact me via my web site.
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Recording and Distributing Comedy and Other Entertainment A la DYI
The following two paragraphs are from a contribution by Roger Blazic to a Linkedin Group called, “Comedy Depreciation” Hosted by the very talented comedic writer and performer Frannie Sheridan. Thank you, Roger and Frannie.
“Comedian Louis Szekely, better known as Louis C.K., is profiting handsomely from a $5 video of his latest standup routine, which he produced and distributed himself.
Instead of partnering with a studio, C.K. hired a team with six cameras to tape two of his performances at the Beacon Theater in Manhattan. He distributed the video through a website specially built for that purpose. Within 12 hours of going on sale Saturday, 50,000 people purchased the video, covering all of costs incurred for its production (around $170,000) and creation of the website ($32,000). By day four, he had sold 110,000 copies, making an additional $200,000 off the venture.”
Well readers, both of you? Does this spark any ideas among my fellow entertainers and speakers? It certainly does with me. You can do this, too. Perhaps, not on the same scale, but it needn’t be on the same scale. If you can make a little money and get your name out there, why not give it a shot?
Whether you’re a comedy artist like Louis C.K., a singer (with a band, or a soloist), a dancer, a motivational speaker, or whatever type of performer you are. Don’t just sit there waiting for something to happen or for some agent to discover you!! They don’t have time for that, anymore. Before you’re next gig (What’s that I hear some of you say? You don’t have any upcoming gigs? Stage your own. Rent a small, local theater. If your local theaters are budget breakers, rent a hall at your friendly, neighborhood American Legion, AmVets, Elks, Moose, etc. and sell tickets) , contact a nearby (near where you live or near where your performing venue) college and hire a student (their rates are reasonable because they always need money for tuition, books, tattoos, body piercing, and gourmet/designer coffee) to record your show and prepare it for online distribution and back of room sales.
As for marketing, get some fliers printed up and put them on car windshields at large stores and malls. Don’t bother hanging them in store windows because, since cell phones became the “Swiss Army Knives” of communication and entertainment, nobody looks up while their walking down the street anymore. Mention your upcoming performance on your web site (repeatedly). Tell your friends, Tell your relatives, Tell your co-workers (if you’re transitioning from a day job). Tell other entertainers in your area. Tell strangers on the street. Take out an ad in your local penny saver newspaper.
I will be doing this, on the smaller scale, in 2012. I will be renting entertainment venues around central Ohio (Columbus and surrounding cities) and recording my performances for online distribution and for back of room sales at future events. It will be a brand new, original, comedy variety show featuring: stand-up comedy, comedy magic, prop comedy, physical comedy, humorous song parodies (with guitar), impressions comedy storytelling, and comedic voices.
Read MoreWhat will next year bring?
With eighteen days left in the year, many people’s thoughts turn to the next one. New year’s resolutions, new calenders, new day book schedules, and new corporate, family and personal mission statements abound. In the midst of a difficult economy and an increasingly mobile society, so many of us are questioning where we are and where we are going (physically, financially, spiritually) The short-term questions is, “What will next year bring?” We ask ourselves, and, perhaps, the God of our understanding, a myriad of questions regarding the year 2012 such as: Will I get married? Will I stay married? Will I have a child? Will I still have my job? Will I be down-sized? Will I get a promotion? Will I get a raise? Will I get a better job? Is this the time to make a move? Should I start my own business or hold on to the “security” (or the illusion thereof) of my day job?
So many questions to ponder. Obviously, I cannot speak for others, only for myself. However, I would invite any reader to pass along her or his personal and professional plans for next year and I will be happy to mention them in future posts. As for me, I will be taking a four month sabbatical from stage performing in order to immerse myself in the creative process. I will be writing new material for use in numerous comedic genre. From stand-up comedy to prop comedy (new material in more ways than one) to comedy magic (more amusing than amazing) to comedic voices and humorous song parodies (my guitar lessons commence is just forty-four hours), it will all be new, original material.
My plan is to re-emerge, onstage, in late April or early May of 2012 with a new and completely comedy variety show composed of original stand-up comedy material, brand new comedic voices and impressions, newly written comedic song parody lyrics (fueled by inspiration from my guitar lessons). Tomorrow, I will elaborate on my plans for 2012 regarding the locations and venues in which I will be entertaining.
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A Funny Thing Happened On the Way To The Retirement Center
Early on, I warned the readers, both of you, that my taste in comedy can range from the sacred to the bizarre. This post runs a lot closer to the bizarre. Like a lot humor, it is an observation of a bizarre, yet true, experience. Someone once said, “truth is stranger than fiction.” Sometimes it’s funnier,too. I hope you enjoy it.
Dear Hotel Manager,
I am writing to make a request of you. I desire to negotiate, with you, for the same deal my father-in-law has imposed upon his three dutiful, if exhausted, daughters and their beleaguered husbands. I should like to avail myself of your hospitality in the following ways:
Beginning now, and for the foreseeable future, I would like to stay in your hotel, and two other of your company’s hotels, for periods of four months each on a rotating basis. During my stay at each of these fine hotels, I will require the following accommodations:
Your very best room furnished with a queen-sized bed, a large screen television, a desk, and a computer with uninterrupted internet service.
Three meals per day to be brought to me where ever I happen to be at the moment (which, of course, I will not tell you), whenever I request. Serving me any food that I do not enjoy will be met with verbal abuse including insults and profanity for which there will be no apology. I will also require unlimited snacks of my choice whenever I ask for them.
Every day, a member of your staff is to remove all of the dirty clothes from my room, wash, dry, and fold them and return them to my room. My clothes are to be wash in small, separate loads so they do not touch anyone else’s clothes, and in order to waste as much water and electricity as possible.
One of your employees is to be prepared, at a moments’ notice, to drive me, where ever I want to go, I will only ride in a car. I will not ride in a “shuttle bus” with any other guests. I will tell the driver how fast to drive, where to turn and, in general, how to operate the vehicle. Disagreement with me, on any level, will not be tolerated. I will rant and rave until I get my own way.
As an additional indulgence, I would like to be able to roam the entire hotel property at will. This is to include the lobby, the area behind the reception counter, the kitchen, the dining room, the offices, the janitorial and maintenance areas, the grounds including any outbuildings, and the other guests’ rooms (This way I can talk incessantly while guests are trying to make telephone calls, read watch television, converse, make love, or sleep) everywhere.
During my waking hours, I will watch and listen in while you and your employees perform your duties and interact with your guests and each other. At every possible opportunity, I will criticize you and your employees for not performing your duties (the way you greet your guests, operate the computer, make beds, sweep, mop, and vacuum floors, prepare meals, maintain the grounds, etc.) the right way – - MY WAY!.
I will also ask highly personal questions of you, your guests, and each member of your staff. I will then instruct each of you regarding what you are doing wrong in your personal lives (including your career, finances, family, dating, marital, and sex lives) and what each of you must do to put your lives right. Disagreeing with me will lead to an onslaught of abusive language until you all agree to conduct yourselves in the proper fashion – - i.e. my way.
Please dispatch a limo driver and two other employees to my residence at once. The driver is to carry me to the limo and gently place in the spacious back seat. The other two employees are to pack up all of my belongings and bring them to the hotel. As per my instructions, my belongings are to be situated throughout the hotel property so as to be in the way of everyone else who is staying or working at hotel.
For all of these many courtesies I will offer no payment. In fact, I do not expect to receive a bill for any of the above services or indulgences. Nor will I demonstrate even the slightest trace of gratitude.
Respectfully,
Bob Simpson
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Oh to be noticed, liked, booked, re-liked, and, rebooked
Have you ever wondered if you were invisible? Were you the middle child in your family, working hard to do all the right things and nobody even noticed? Are you the person, at work, who does all the jobs that no one wants to do, while you watch everyone else get promoted? As former president Bill Clinton was found of saying, “I feel your pain.” I have two older brothers and two younger sisters. I think my middle child experiences must have been preparation for pursuing a career as a self-employed, comedy variety artist. No matter what I do (stand-up comedy, storytelling, sketch comedy,comedy magic, physical comedy, prop comedy pantomime, comedic voices, humorous song parodies, and one man comedy variety shows) or how hard I work at it (hundreds of hours writing and rehearsing original material) no one (at least not anyone in a position to book me) seems to notice.
I have tried “old school” marketing strategies such as putting posters in store and restaurant windows. But, alas, with all of the cell phones, iphones, ipads, kindles and other toys of modern technology, nobody looks up anymore. I have sent out literally hundreds of promotional packages (which are apparently being used as doorstops and coasters) to comedy clubs (don’t get me started on their so-called “bringer shows”) talent agents, hotels, casinos, cruise lines, event planners, resorts, and corporations. Given the pace of business today, I have to wonder how many people can allow themselves the luxury of slowing down long enough to open the envelope, let alone study the material inside.
I have tried reaching out by means of today’s technology. I have a web site (and this is my 70th blog post), a Linkedin (I belong to over 30 networking groups) profile, a Facebook page, and a presence on Twitter. I have even posted a few “visual jokes” on YouTube. Even with all of that, I can’t seem to get arrested (not that it’s actually a goal of mine). And don’t get me started on the subject search engine optimization (aka SEO). With so many scam artists posing as legitimate SEO providers (my spam folder is full of them) these days, it’s nearly impossible to discern which companies offer a legal service that would actually bring my face and name in front of the right people.
I am beginning to feel like the proverbial needle in a haystack. And no one goes out to the barn anymore. It’s not enough to build a better mouse trap. How does one place the new, improved mouse trap in view of those who have mice in need of trapping. There have to be some ways of “getting the word out” that, as yet, haven’t occurred to me. If anyone can offer up advice on how to maneuver the long, tricky maze/hall of mirrors that it seems, one must pass through in order to be seen by potential clients (not to mention an actual audience), this frustrated entertainer would dearly love to hear from you. I would also love to hear from other performers who can relate to my experience. Until then, I will keep plugging away. The formula for success, it would seem, is talent plus hard work plus exposure plus luck plus endurance. And the greatest of these is endurance.
Read MoreWhere I’ve been, where I am, and Where I’m going
One of the main purposes of these regular blog posts is to keep the readers apprised of my continuing efforts at writing and performing comedy material. So here goes: I recently purchased a guitar and will soon begin taking lessons. Lately, I have also been writing humorous parodies to popular rock, country, and Christmas (and other seasonal) songs which will become part of the new comedy variety show I will begin performing early next year. The show will consist of four elements: stand-up comedy, comedy magic, prop comedy, and, of course, the new comedic song parodies (making use of my new guitar and lessons).
The most recent turn in my career as an entertainer took place yesterday, when I enrolled in a stand-up comedy workshop which is to be taught at the Improv Comedy Club in Cleveland, Ohio during the first three Saturdays of January, 2012. The instructor will be none other than Dave Schwensen, comedian, motivational speaker, talent Coordinator for the Cleveland Improv (and former talent coordinator of both the New York and Los Angeles Improv Comedy Clubs), and author of several comedy “how-to” books including “How to be a Working Comic.” I am really looking forward to attending the workshop as all participants will be afforded the opportunity to perform onstage at the Improv. In addition, I am looking forward to meeting the other comedy artists (up to nine of them) and hearing their career stories. I will be driving up from my home near Columbus, Ohio. The other comedy performers, I assume, will come from around Ohio and surrounding states.
Once I have completed the comedy workshop, I will be renting small venues (such as the halls in fraternal lodge facilities) in which to perform the aforementioned, four part, comedy variety show throughout central Ohio and surrounding areas. Soon after, I hope to move the show to small theaters, and eventually to larger theaters. I will also, of course, be available to perform the stage show at private, civic, and corporate events. Anyone interested in reserving a performance date for this four part comedy variety show can contact me by telephone at (614) 891-7393 or via email at info@funnymanbobsimpson.com or bobsimpson1954@gmail.com.
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